Oh My Giddy Aunt!

I'm so very sorry that it has been a while since I have been on here. A lot has happened. As you may see from past bloggings I have bitched and moaned about my A Levels. And then I went to Lanzarote with my girlfriend. So pretty busy.
Well in two days time I find out whether or not I have got the grades to get in to Kent University. This would be all fine and good if I wasn't absoloutley SHITTING myself over the results. Because if I don't get in to Uni then there is one of two options:
1 - The Police



OR:
2- Fuck knows. This is even worse.

Anyway, Thursday 18th is merely round the corner and I won't be sleeping tomorrow night. Wish me luck.

P.S.

Kicking the dirt of the street looks so damn familiar
To undersoles and under your soul.
I chose the place to meet. You chose the way to eat
Floor to ceiling, door to door, as I spoke some more.

And blue smoke arises
As I speak from aside over and over again.
And the bottle keeps me singing as I
Piss and moan over the telephone.
Melodic telephone

An unfamiliar touch brings me back to the old ways.
A headboard rush keeps me going back to the old days.

And blue smoke arises
As I speak from aside over and over again.
And the bottle keeps me singing as I
Piss and moan over the telephone.
Melodic telephone.

They don't know what it feels like.
They don't know what it feels like to be lost in love (x4)

And blue smoke arises as I
speak from aside over and over again
And the bottle keeps me singing as I
Piss and moan over the telephone.

Borne On The FM Waves of The Heart

I have one of those feelings. I think it's jealousy. I always get this tight knot in my stomach when I'm jealous of something. Not someone. I'm not talking about someone who has the latest gadget that society tells us we should because of stupidly severe marketization.

But I guess it is also one of those stupid gut feelings. It's always when I hear a frigging great song by a band I love. Or watch a brilliant performance by actors who I just admire. I'm talking about this becasue I am watching 'Lynn Hirschberg's Screen Tests' on youtube. And I am just sitting here, admiring these people who I don't know, and probably will never know, just like 'Wow. Wow I want to be this.'

It's the same old thing, isn't it? Young kid. Wanting the public eye. Performing in front of millions. So people can watch interviews of you and think to themselves 'Wow. Wow I want to be this.' But the odd thing is, when it comes to playing music, I don't want my aim to be millions.I want to be in one of those bands who would have been around for ten years and still be playing modest places like Brixton and Shepereds Bush. Quite the difference eh?

And what set this up today was that the first screen test I watched was Jesse Eisenberg, who I am a huge fan of. I guess I am part of that recent circle of Jesse fans. I have a friend who is a real die hard Jesse fan. But the guy is like our generation's answer to Dustin Hoffman and Woody Allen. Not becasue they are jewish, even though with the examples I used I could probably see why people may think I think so, but because they were both great actors and director's and performers and writers. And Eisenberg is the kind of guy I love, who doesn't know what he can do and the gift he has got and what it does to people. I could watch 'Adventureland' over and over becasue it speaks to me. One guy. Doesn't think much of himself. Doesn't think he could ever get the girl. But he also has a fucking great circle of friends who are eccentric and do what the fuck they want because why should we give a shit what others think? And The Social Network is just sheer fucking brilliance. Eisenberg and Fincher should team up more often.

It's the same thing with any movie though, right? I love watching John Hughes films. I think those films are just fucking timeless. When I watch 'The Breakfast Club' I always get that tight feeling that started off this whole blog. And 'Pretty in Pink' is a great one as well. I want ducky to be my friend.

But then there is music. Music speaks to me as much as films do. I love acting. I'm currently an A2 college student doing Drama. And I love music and singing and writng music. Whenever I write a song that I think sounds half decent I always think to myself 'fuck, I wish I could show this to a fuckload of people. See what they think of it.' But I sometimes feel like I don't have anyone to show it too. Not because I am some self-pitying, 'one man against the world', rebel without a cause type of guy. It's becasue I feel like I am never going to get an opportunity to at least see where I could go with music or acting. I listen to an Alkaline Trio album (who, you should all know by now,I have a never-ending love for) And I watch Matt Skiba interviews and I get that same feeling as I do with Eisenberg. Two different role models but they are so similar too. Humble. Modest. Know they are lucky and just do what they love to do.

I honestly walk down the street sometimes, listening to my Ipod. And it doesnt matter if it is a Punk song, Elvis Presely, Musical Theatre (which anyone should love becasue it is pure fucking art!), or an irish song. I always find myself walking down the road, or on a bus, or a train, imagining myself with my guitar in my hand and I am blasting out a guitar riff and I am drowning myself in an audience. And it's the same with acting.

People might read this, and my earlier blogs, and think: 'If performing means so much to you, then why don't you really make it your whole life?' And the reason is I read too much in to the realism. I know I am going to love Univeristy and doing my chosen course, Sociology and Criminology. But I look at statistics of out of work actors and musicians and it scares the fuck out of me. I would love to be able to do both. Be in a punk rock band and be acting at the same time. I'd love to be able to hold a Grammy in one hand and an Oscar in the other. But I'm too scared to make it my whole life. And I'm too scared to put away the safety and throw myself in to the unknown. I over-analyse. What if I'm not good enough? What if I just get lost in the shadow of a statistic?

When I go to uni I'm going to try and start a band. I may also look for drama societies or local youth theatres. But I am scared. It would be fucking incredible to have people look at me, or watch an interview of me, and get the same tight knot in their gut that I got not ten minutes ago.

Don't Say Goodbye

This is the end my friend.
Don't be afraid of the light that hides in the beginning of your life.

Don't say goodbye my friend.
So long, farewell won't happen if you do so much with your time.

The tide don't wait for man.
You don't have to worry if you've got a plan.
So we'll say adieu for now.

Just hold tight.
And remember who you're with.
Just look around.
Keep your ear to the ground
And you'll be safe and sound.

When you go to the next stage
Don't worry about the words and the way's that'll all come in time.

The tide don't wait for man.
You don't have tp worry if you've got a plan.
So we'll say adieu for now.

Just hold tight.
And remember who you're with.
Just look around.
Keep your ear to the ground.
And you'll be safe and sound.

Celebrity Skin #2

LADIES! Seriously! Why is it that at ages 13+ you are already consdering plastic surgery? Why are you TAINTING yourself with all this crap and pumping stuff out and shoving stuff in?! It's worrying!

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE VOGUE (don't ask) WE HAVE PLUS SIZED MODELS NOW!

Women now have something to ASPIRE to! Every day women. I know I am a man. According to men, other men aren't supposed to feel the pressures of weight and looks because all they want is a good fuck, right? 'Get in, get off, get out'? WRONG! SO WRONG! I have days where I will consider my stomach slgihtly rotund. Or my face a bit lop-sided. But guess what. Newsflash: Models are airbrushed.

Consider the 'Dove Evolution' video clip. We were shown clear evidence that adverts for make up are airbrushed, primmed, cut, and sucked in to make eveything seem more 'perfect.' And then in the end the poor woman's final picture looked nothing like the shoot itself.

I know models like Moss Stone and a younger Nigel Barker are flat stomached and have pecs and abs and what not. But are they representative of real life? Real people? No. They aren't. And though they don't realise it, and it isn't their job, fashion magazines make people feel crap because they literally glamourise the life that these models are presented as having.

I love curvy girls! Bloody love them! I love something I can hold and feel. Boobs, bum and tum! That, to me, is what attractive is. Don't let yourself go, and eat unhealthily. Look after yourself, sure. But crash diets, lypo-suction, breast implants and bum implants and lip pumping. No. Let men want you for who you are. That's what you deserve. There are some things you can't get rid of. You can get rid of the fat, not the scars.

Love yourself for who you are. Make people want you for who are. Take it from a man. I may only be one man, but we aren't all shallow. You can have big boobs, bim bum, big tum, and be absoloutley stunning! I promise.

Love you all!

Dear Fear

A tonne of bricks are made for building on the crack of my back.

You said you could feel my heart beat,

But there there's something that lacks.

You told me not to wear that shirt it doesn't suit your taste.

Well fuck that I'll wear what I want,

I'm not going at your pace.

"Put that out and sink your drink you don't know what It's doing to you."

Well fuck this I'll steal the bar till I don't have a goddamn clue.

All bets were off when I couldn't win you.

This is goodbye my dear.

A bittersweet taste is all that's left.

That look on your lips

That's so good with tricks

Makes this the worse fear.

Inside the cover of smoke I'll pierce my nose and get a tattoo.

I'll do whatever it takes not to impress you.

All bets were off when I couldn't win you.

This is goodbye my dear.

A bittersweet taste is all that's left.

That look on your lips

That's so good with tricks

Makes this the worse fear. x2

Dear fear x3

Could Punk Really Be Dead?

They say that Punk Rock isn't dead, just sleeping.

Well if that is true, then it had better wake the hell up, because I don't think I could take any more of the dross that is being shown on the television I am watching. As I sit here and type, I am watching Kerrang's 'Top 50 Vein Pumpin' Punk Anthems!'. It started off ok. Bit of Green Day, a dash of The Offspring and, thankfully, a pinch of Alkaline Trio was even thrown in, playing 'Stupid Kid' from thier third full-length studio album 'From Here To Infirmary.' But then they started playing songs that didn't even SOUND Punk! Every member of some of the so called 'Punk' bands had fringes down to thier vaginas! Elliot Minor? Forever The Sicket Kids? Boys & Girls? The current artist playing, Cobra Starship, sounds like some Capital. FM bullshit!

I like a bit of new blood in the Punk Rock scene. For example, Broadway Calls are a band I would sincerely suggest. Their single 'Back to Oregon' is sligtly reminiscent of the good old 90's Chicago based Punk bands such as The Lawrence Arms and, again chucking in my biased fanatic fandom, Alklaine Trio.

However, these bands aren't Punk Rock. Well, not in my opinion anyway. Any band whose every member consists of a fringe swept over one eye or the other and wearing inches thick of make up don't scream fans of bands such as Bad Religion or The Casualties.

The only time I would excuse such hairstyles and make up in a Punk Rock labelled band would be in bands such as Aiden or AFI (the latter of whom I myself am not a personal fan of), whose influences at least came from bands like The Misfits and The Damned and other such horror-punk bands.

When I saw this 'Top 50 Vein Pumpin' Punk Anthems!', I obviously set my standards up too high. I may have got one Alkaline Trio song, but is it too much to ask for a couple songs from Against Me!? Hot Water Music? The Gaslight Anthem? Anti-Flag? Rancid? NOFX? Heck even some old skool stuff would be great. The Damned, The Misfits, The Ramones, maybe even The Sex Pistols. Is that too much to ask for, from a Punk Rock fan, to actually have a programme stick to it's title and deliver?

If bands like Elliot Minor are beginning to be called Punk Rock, then I will truly start to lose all hope of ever being in a band myself, because I'd need to color my hair about a thousand times, wear fourty inches of foundation and wear shirts and jeans that are too small and so skinny they may as well be skin! Don't get me wrong, I have a pair of skinny black jeans. I occasionlly don the black nail varnish and eye-liner. But some of these guys are practically Drag Queens!

Must dash. But I will leave you with this song, that explains what I feel has happened to Punk Rock, and what Punk Rock should be!